So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
