I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize