Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
zippers are such a cool invention
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
