My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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