i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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