Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
worst night to have a conscience
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
