You just made me feel so damn special
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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