We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
