the new term for farting is butt boxing.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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