I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
