and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
