"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
