I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
