I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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