remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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