my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
