Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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