Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
