have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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