At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
