I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
