In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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