Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
