Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
