it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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