Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
