i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
