Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she peed on how many people?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
