This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
