im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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