Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
