pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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