I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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