I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
