I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
