Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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