after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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