Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Do vagina's smell?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
