i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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