Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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