Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
