I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
