My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
