@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
