I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
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So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
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you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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