we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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