What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
