Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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