Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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