I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
