Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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