Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
