Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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