Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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