Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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