I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
