I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
