You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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