Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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