how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
