just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
