A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
