They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
