I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
