i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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