let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
