Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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